This morning hit with a feeling of something, I've decided - who am I to say what's writing or not? And if I speak and write and echo others on blogs as this emerging form, then it would be wrong to abandon it. I cannot abandon it, I feel. So I'm not going to stop blogging. I don't think I can. But I might still close down FFIMS, and maybe like Bhanu, revolutionize the blog, come up with a different blog. I don't know. Will have to meditate. I don't think I could write daily of sex acts, maybe a couple times of week...I'm joking. You'll have to go read Bhanu's blog to get what I mean. But something. Maybe a different frame.
I already posted this on Facebook, but yesterday, so deep within Heroines revisions, trying to make Part One stick less, feel less stiff at times, I am sitting outside at the community market, drinking a cup of decaf, which I've started to do, liking the taste of coffee but not being able to be that caffeinated, and as I write the word VAMPIRE in caps on a page of the manuscript I mutter the word out loud in a sort of creepy voice, and I only realize this after I do it. The good people of Carrboro, who I have started to adore, well used to eccentrities, look up briefly at the strange writer woman and then continue their conversation.
Maybe my blog will be about vampires.
I've also decided to get a dog, probably, finally, a rescued puppy John and I will have to drive almost five hours to a suburb of DC to get, a Shih Tzu Boston Terrier mix. That I will put in sweaters. I have the urge to put small warm bodies in sweaters - is that maternal? My blog will definitely not be about that.
I am thankful for all of you.